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Mourning and the False Sense of Guilt February 6, 2020

Sometimes, when we lose a loved one, feelings of guilt may overwhelm us. We might feel that something we could have done and did not do could have potentially saved our loved one or that something we have done has been the cause of misfortune. This is a common emotion that people experience after the death of a person they really love. Sometimes when we are mourning a loss, we can find no other explanation for the calamity we are going through but that of our guilt – this is a lie that anyone can come to believe when the sorrow they feel is overpowering.

We may feel distressed and may even come to think that we are no longer worthy of love because our thoughts are loaded with feelings of culpability. We distance ourselves from our loved ones because we do not want to be seen for what we mistakenly believe we really are. These sensations achieve nothing more than lengthening the process of emotional recovery.

And sometimes, after overcoming the irrational feeling that we are to blame for the death of someone close to us, we may feel guilty again when we can finally carry out a normal day or when we finally feel we can enjoy life again. We feel guilty for having survived and for enjoying life when the loved one we have lost can no longer do so.

The feelings of guilt in these cases, however irrational and illogical they may be, have to be expressed the moment you feel them, and if you can’t, the sooner the better. It is a complex emotion and the best way to start dismantling these irrationalities is to express them. Gradually, you will be able to make sense of the events and you will be able to understand the misfortune in such a way that you will no longer feel guilty, and you will find peace and tranquility in your heart. You must remember and keep in mind that you have done everything possible so that your loved one could know that you loved and appreciated them because, after all, that is what life is all about and that is what makes our journey of through this life worthwhile, however short or long each individual journey may be. Do not distance yourself from those who are still with you due to unjustified feelings of guilt that you inflict upon yourself. Keep on going and fill your life with kindness, love, and joy.